01. “I can resolve my problems on my own. I am not weak!”

I often hear clients make these types of statements. Seeking therapy takes tremendous courage, and actually shows a great sign of strength. It is not easy to examine your life, sort through your pain, and try to find ways to improve your relationships and how you function in the world. My belief and approach to therapy involves helping a client access their strengths and find ways to make decisions and changes that best fit what they want for their lives. Part of resolving your own problems often involves asking for guidance and accepting help that is offered to you.

02. “I’m not crazy. I don’t need counseling”

Oftentimes, people are under the assumption that only “crazy people” go to therapy. Having the ability to recognize that you need guidance and support is far from “crazy”. It is honest, brave, and undoubtedly human. In fact, therapists whom I admire and respect all receive, or have received therapy at various points in their lives, in order to better themselves and more effectively work with others. I believe that anyone, who is willing, can benefit from working on improving themselves in a therapeutic environment, particularly when they have a strong connection with their therapist.

03. “I don’t have the money to pay for therapy”

Yes, therapy can be expensive. However, there are many options for those who are struggling financially, or simply don’t have the money to pay for weekly sessions. Therapists in private practice set their own fees, but often will do a “sliding scale” based on the need of the client, and may offer to see the client at a lower rate. Many therapists are also able to bill insurance for your treatment, depending on your particular health plan. There are various low-fee clinics, college counselors available for students, and non-profit organizations that offer extremely low fees for those in need. Don’t let financial concerns hinder your attempt to seek out counseling. The benefit of therapy is worth the cost.

04. “Counseling has not worked for me in the past”

Research indicates that the most important component of therapy leading to change is in the client-therapist relationship. It is crucial that you find a therapist that is a good fit for you: one you feel safe with, where you can share your experiences without fear of judgment, and who conducts therapy in a way that is comfortable for you. There are many different theoretical orientations, (or ways that therapists interact with clients, formulate the goals of therapy, etc), and it is important to find a therapist who works in a way that feels right for your particular personality and/or situation. If you believe that therapy did not work for you in the past, it doesn’t mean that you cannot find a better and more fulfilling experience in therapy today.

05. “I don’t believe just talking can do any good.”

Though therapy does involve talking, it also has other components that help individuals/couples/families work through their problems. There is also great benefit in expressing your emotions and finding out how they impact your life and behavior. I believe therapy is an art; it is complex and varies depending on the individual and the therapist. In my experience there is no “one right way” to work with a client, and it is certainly not a “one size fits all” approach that is successful. It takes patience, time, and an understanding of the complex needs of others to find a treatment approach that can help you as the client.

06. “I don’t need to dwell on the past. That only makes things worse”

In honestly, I do warn clients that oftentimes things become worse before they get better when you begin therapy. This is because you are digging up repressed feelings, experiences, memories, etc., that have been ignored or defended against. However, it is very similar to cleaning an infected wound; much as it hurts, it results in healing. However, with time things do improve as you continue in treatment.

In addition, not all therapy modalities focus on the past. Some therapists delve more into prior life and familial experiences, while others simply focus on the present. My belief is by looking at the past, experiences, traumas, and family relationships, you can begin to recognize patterns in yourself and also better understand why you feel and respond to things in a particular way. Knowledge is power; with this understanding, my focus with clients is on how the past influences today, and what things can be changed in order to have a more positive life experience.

07. “I need to be loyal to my family. Problems should be kept inside of the family”

Oftentimes, especially in particular cultures, there is a strong belief that family problems (or problems in general), are to be resolved within the family, and it is not appropriate to “air your dirty laundry” with a stranger. A culturally sensitive therapist will be aware of this, and be able to work with the client in a way that feels comfortable for them, while respecting their culture and/or their family values and beliefs. Oftentimes, depending on the circumstances, secrets can be toxic and cause various psychological and even physical symptoms. So, despite the fear involved when confiding in a therapist, pushing through family secrets often reduces anxiety, depression, fear etc. Keep in mind that only under very specific circumstances a therapist is allowed to discuss information outside of the therapy office. An ethical therapist will clearly explain these exceptions to confidentiality, and will keep your information private.